I could rant on Federer, too. I’m not the biggest fan of that smug mug, either. It’s a good thing Roger Moore is still alive and kicking–he’s a Saint.
Roger Clemens. That guy. I need to fire on all 8 cylinders for this one.
I’m a very forgiving human being. In fact, I don’t hate Roger Clemens for using PEDs, I don’t hate him for lying about it and I don’t even dislike him for the episodes–but I can’t stand the guy. I couldn’t stand him as a player, and I can’t stand him as a fellow member of society. I couldn’t stand how he wished he were the Brett Favre of the baseball world, and I wish to this day that Mike Piazza would have thrown the nub of his bat at Clemens after Clemens threw the head of the bat at Mikey.
I remember in depth conversations I had about Roger Clemens late in his career. I’ll never forget, round about 2003 or 2004, perhaps, when my brother said to me, “I can’t believe that everyone only wants to single out Barry Bonds. If there is anyone in the league that I am 100 percent certain is on steroids, it’s Roger Clemens.” And you know what, you couldn’t argue. How was the guy getting better at a power position, as his body got older. People can say what they will about his training regimen, but they showed videos of it, and it wasn’t that impressive. Yeah, it was obvious–the dude was DRANKIN’ the juice. And honestly, he always acted like such a prick–like the world owed him a huge debt for being a great pitcher.
I laugh when people mutter the words “Hall of Fame” in the same breath as “Roger Clemens.” And I also hate when people try and justify Hall of Fame inductions based solely on numbers. Halls of Fame have become jokes because bums like this are in them. They should be places of celebration, not contention. Make no mistake, there will never be another discussion about Roger Clemens, only arguments.
Whew. Cleansing breath. Now, to the serious matter at hand. An indictment that it going to put Clemens in court. And do you know what sucks? He still won’t admit that he used PEDs. If for some reason he comes out and states that he did use the drugs, I’m sure that he’ll also say it was because he loved the game soooo much, and he didn’t know how to let it go.
Do I think he’s going to jail? Nah. But I think it’s far more likely that he’ll land in the clink than he will in Cooperstown.
If you were to put on a concert event that catered to Insane Clown Posse supporters, Tila Tequilla has to be one of the first acts on your list, right? I mean, she’s got hip hop and clown face written all over her. But a funny thing happened at the 2010 Gathering of the Juggalos this Saturday in Cave-in-Rock, Illinois. The Juggalos turned on Tila. Big time.
According to TMZ, those trailer-badass, clown-face-painted Juggalos threw rocks, bottles, firecrackers, piss and shit (how can you throw piss?) at the MySpacer/singer/model. Pretty hardcore stuff. I guess the crowd turned on Tila immediately, hurling rocks at her and yelling at her to take her shirt off. So Tila did what anyone in the situation would do – she showed off her titties. That got the clown crowd even more incensed. Tila had to be escorted off stage by security guards. She was taken to her trailer, and the crowd followed. They abused her trailer and continued to attack.
The SF Gate is saying that the attacks were planned. Are you serious? Of course they were planned! Can you think of anything more incompatible than this chick and a pack of angry Juggalos? These are clearly two bad tastes that taste even worse together. I mean it’s sad that the budding hip hop “star” got pelted with firecrackers and poop, but what did she expect?
Uh-o. You called down the Ben Quayle thunder, we’ll now you got it, sonnn! Baby Quayle is running for Congress, and he’s not gonna pussyfoot around the major issues that are freakin’ out America. This 30-second video covers it all:
Barack Obama is the worst president in history (’sup now Warren G. Harding?). How does Ben know this? Cause he’s from Arizona and he was raised white right. Drug-pushing immigrants, presidents and all of D.C. beware, Baby Quayle is coming to Washington and hell’s coming with him.
It’s gonna be a bloody, bone-crushing, bare-knuckle beatdown as this Washington outsider/son-of-a-former-Vice-President comes to town to drop a hammer of values on the entire system. Might as well turn our nation’s capital into an octagon now.
Seriously though, that commercial is 30-seconds of well-crafted fear-hate. What happened to America? A black president, a bunch of Mexicans and taxes. They’re all working together in a synergistic cartel to eff the country up for Ben Quayle’s generation (he’s 33).
Look, hope and change may not be as hopeful and change-like as advertised, but worst president ever? C’mon now. It’s silly trash like Ben Quayle’s ad that makes it impossible to have a serious political conversation in this country. Most people don’t love Obama more than they love Jesus and most people don’t hate Obama more than they hate Hitler. There’s a whole lot of middle ground in between those two extremes.
America’s full of indifference. The more shrill each side of the aisle gets, the more difficult it is to get all those uninterested folks in the middle to give a shit.
Damn you, Internet. I love you so much, but I hate you sometimes. You’re great for things like funny cat photos, adorable Hitler videos and texts from last night, but you have a dark side, too. That dark side includes creepy Craigslisters, shady Nigerian princes, piss-poor grammar and tasteless celebrity death hoaxes.
“Bill Cosby died” was the number one trending topic on Twitter on Monday. Typically, if it’s on Twitter, it’s gotta be true. But not this time. Not like this. Cosby lives and he’s not happy, man. You see this isn’t the first time Dr. Huxtable has been killed off my the fake death peddlers of the Net.
“It is no longer fun. I don’t want this person to do this any more, this is my fourth time,” Cosby said.
Being fake dead just once has to sting, but four friggn’ times? That’s uncalled for. I know Cosby has slowly morphed from a loveable comedian to a crotchety old fart, but give the guy a break. He’s still alive, he still loves pudding pops and he deserves better. Stop killing Cosby.
Gisele Bundchen wants a worldwide law that makes breastfeeding mandatory (Amy Grindhouse)
Top 10 shark attack videos (Discovery)
Insane animated US unemployment chart (American Observer)
18 quick ways to save like a man right now (Esquire)
Kanye West tweets as New Yorker cartoons (Boing Boing)
6 tips for meeting her parents (Ask Men)
There’s a lot of shitty actresses sitting atop the list of Hollywood’s Highest-Paid Actresses (Forbes)
Biggie Smalls – The voice that influenced a generation (NPR)
Alison Brie is good looking (Warming Glow)
Oh my god, Favre retired again. And this time, it’s for reals, yo. Well, maybe it’s for reals. No one can really be sure. He says his ankle is all messed up. I can believe that. Look at how nasty his shit was after the NFC Championship game:
Gross, dude. The guy got offseason surgery to try to fix that mess, and according to Favre, his ankle isn’t responding as well as he’d hoped. So now he’s going to hang ‘em up and let the Tavaris Jackson era begin anew in Minnesota.
How can we believe this guy? He could say anything – my wife left me, I hate Wrangler jeans, I’m definitely playing, I’m definitely not playing – it doesn’t matter. We don’t believe him. We don’t believe a single word that comes out of his scruffy, graybeard pie-hole.
And why should we? He’s lost all credibility. Back in 2006, this guy was getting standing ovations in Solider Field as a sign of retirement respect from Bears fans. He ended up coming back for the 2007 season. In March 2008, Favre announced his first annual retirement and cried like a little girl for the people of Green Bay. Remember all those tears?
By July, Favre was itchin’ to come back to the team, but the Packers had moved on. Green Bay was committed to new starter Aaron Rodgers, but the team wanted to keep Favre from going to Minnesota. The Packers ended up filing tampering charges against the Vikings and Favre wound up being traded the Jets. After a promising season ended with string of losses and a bum shoulder, Favre’s time with the Jets was over. He retired for the second time in Februrary 2009.
In June 2009, Favre threatened to unretire again. By July of 2009, he told the Vikings he was staying retired. He signed with the team the next month. Favre went on to have the best season of his career. Now it’s August and he says he’s retiring again.
There’s an old saying in Tennessee…
So we’ll believe this retirement mumbo jumbo when Favre is put down for good. If the guy still has legs and at least one arm, he’s a threat to show up and play. The Vikings are prepared to give Favre more time, money, women, tractors, sizzurp – whatever it takes – if he’ll just unretire for a third time.
Favre’s old teammate, LeRoy Butler, broke it down nicely on a recent radio appearance with former NFL player Tom Waddle:
“I actually feel sorry for the guy because he can’t do like we do,” Butler said. “I’ve always said, from the day when he cried in front of the media in Wisconsin and retired, the guy is a football player. He’s not good at anything else.”
It’s true. Favre is really, really good at playing quarterback in the National Football League. I give him 3-4 weeks before he realizes that and shows up in Minneapolis wanting back in.
Here’s the situation – one grand prize winner will win a crazy trip for themselves and five other friends. The trip includes the following ridiculous items:
Fly with your buddies to Whitefish, Montana to tour the Great Northern Brewery, meet master brewers, make your own brew and design your own label
- Learn to fly fish with some masters and receive rods and cases as gifts
- Head out on a multi-day rafting trip with you and your buddies
- Spend a night in Glacier National Park at a Mountain Chalet under the stars and get pampered with some luxury spa treatments
- Board a private plane from Kalispell to Sacramento for two practice sessions with the Sacramento Kings
- Get back on a plane and head to Vegas for a free stay at a Las Vegas hotel suite that includes VIP poolside cabana action, dinner at a five-star restaurant and VIP table service
Black Star Beer is also throwing in a Flip video camera and a Canon camera so that you can document this crazy trip. And you also get some other Black Star Beer gear and a hoodie too
If this trip sounds expensive as hell, that’s cause it is. If you read the official rules, the Approximate Retail Value (ARV) of all prizes is $55,000. Da-damn!
In case you didn’t get all that, here’s a video for further explanation:
Entering the contest is super easy. Just check out the Black Star Beer Facebook page, follow the instructions, and you could be off to Whitefish/Sac-Town/Vegas in no time. Good luck!
The Jets have a lot of big dudes on their team. They also have a pretty big guy serving as head coach. Rex Ryan, that loveable loudmouth who brought in an element of swagger that the Jets sorely needed last season, underwent gastric-band surgery back in March. The slimming procedure was just the first step toward a larger weight loss program for Ryan.
Back in May, Ryan challenged two other members of the team – defensive tackle Kris Jenkins and offensive tackle Damien Woody – to a weight loss competition. They called it “The Biggest Winner.”
“I would say something like ‘Get your popcorn ready,’ but we don’t need to be eating popcorn for this,” Woody told the Jets team website back in May. “I don’t have any trash-talking right now. This is an idea that Coach Ryan thought about and it’s a great idea. We’re going to see who the best man is.”
Well the results are in, and Kris Jenkins, who Ryan recently convinced not to retire, is The Biggest Winner. Jenkins lost 33 pounds, Woody lost 26 pounds and Ryan dropped 20 pounds. How did Jenkins do-it? He enlisted the help of Miami-based weight-loss expert Dr. Sanford Siegal and followed the Dr. Siegal Cookie Diet. That’s right. Jenkins did all that damage with cookies.
“I’m a very competitive person so I’m not surprised that I won, but I can’t believe I won with the help of cookies!” Jenkins said after the final weigh-in.
The two losers of the competition, Woody and Ryan, will now have to make donations to Jenkins’ favorite charity.
Did you even know we had a cow fart problem? We’ve really effed things up when reducing cow flatulence becomes a priority in the fight against global warming. Our large-scale agriculture industry, which has been booming since the mid-20th century due to our genius at making things convenient for ourselves, is responsible for 14 percent of the world’s greenhouse gases. A significant portion of those emissions comes from methane, a gas which is 23 times more powerful than carbon dioxide in terms of contribution to global warming.
So methane is bad, but where do cows fit into this scenario? Apparently, cows emit a massive amount of methane through farting, but even more so through belching. Some experts say that cows pass about 132 gallons of methane a day which is comparable to the pollution produced by 1 car each day. Is this friggin’ ridiculous or what? Well it’s not. The massive farting and belching is a big problem and big business needs to find a way to fix it.
There are 1.5 billion cows in the world and billions more of other grazing animals that emit methane like goats and sheep. These animals are classified as ruminants which means they’re a certain type of animal that have 4 stomachs and digest their food in their stomachs rather than in their intestines, like we humans do. Stomachs of ruminant animals are filled with bacteria that help them digest food but also produce that dang methane gas.
Here’s the kicker, we humans made this methane cow farting/belching problem by trying to be efficient. Big farming business consolidated thousands of cows into a few acreages. Cows graze on a variety of grasses and flowers that would normally be found in the pastures, but because feeding needed to be more efficient, pastures were reseeded with perennial ryegrass which grows quickly and in large amounts. The problem with ryegrass is that it’s the ‘fast food’ of grass, meaning it ain’t that nutritious and it’s hard to digest, thus creating our methane fart problem.
Now we’re trying to come up with solutions to curb the farts like giving cows methane-reducing pills, feeding them garlic, trapping the gas and selling it back to the electrical grid, and more. I’m just a feeble-minded consumer and not a scientist working for big business, but I’d like to propose a solution that has been helpful to me in my own experiences with gaseous emmissions. Say I eat my late-night fourth meal and get the stinkfarts (yes, Taco Bell, I’m talking to you). I’ve noticed that I greatly reduce my stinkfarts by NOT EATING THE THING WHICH CAUSES THE PROBLEM IN THE FIRST PLACE! It’s that simple. Give these cows the good grass they deserve.
We all know this probably won’t happen. It’s likely too expensive and too inefficient for these big businesses to switch back to natural, healthy-for-the-cows-grass. Sad to say, but looks like we made our cow-pie and now we have to lie in it.
As if we needed more evidence to support the notion that Glenn Beck is a supreme douche of the highest order, here’s a video of Beck flippantly calling Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher a neo-Nazi on his show. Nice move. Stay classy, GB.