Sports

Entertain Me Rasheed Wallace!

Love him or hate him, Rasheed Wallace is always television gold. His highlights include throwing balls at teammates while they give interviews, not fearing the referees, scoring on himself, , and what may be the only case of someone being tossed for not saying anything. Call me crazy, but I love seeing him fly off the handle, especially on obvious foul calls. He led the league with a whopping 17 technical fouls this year despite only playing 22.5 minutes per game. Imagine if he actually played the whole game! His trademark moves include screaming, making puzzled faces, throwing headbands and/or towels, and creating general disarray. Here are five things I would pay to see Rasheed flip out about.

5. In honor of the World Cup: Someone blowing a vuvuzela in his ear

How could you not wanna see this??? Imagine ‘Sheed is napping, and his annoying neighbors just came back from South Africa with a new present! I see this playing out as a combo of ’Sheed breaking the vuvuzeka over the person’s head, or sticking it up his neighbors ass (the wide part) and playing it until the person’s head explodes. Either way we win.

4. Returning an overdue book at the library

A sanctuary of silence, where else would be a better place to see him flip his lid? I could see him now, knocking down stacks, scaring kids and homeless people, or just yelling at a librarian until she cries. Yes, Yes, Yes!

3. ‘Sheed drunk and stealing someone’s prosthetic leg to play catch with it

Oh shit, I forgot that this already happened. My bad.

2. Getting short tipped as a waiter

The local Denny’s crowd isn’t happy with their service, so a table that just spent $50 only end up giving him a dollar, three nickels, and pocket lint for a tip. When ‘Sheed discovers his “tip,” Moons over my hammys starts flying, plates get broken over the bus boy’s head, and old people start stroking out. As ‘Sheed is dragged off the premises, we still hear him yelling, “I refilled that asshole’s drink three times!!!!…..THREE TIMES!!!” Imagine if the movie “Waiting” featured ‘Sheed? This clip might of killed you with laughter instead of boring you to death.

1. Having a paternity test read on Maury Povich

What I would give for this! The crowd boos him more furiously than any other guest in history right? As Maury stays stoic and calm, ‘Sheed yells, “that ain’t my kid! He ain’t got my bald spot! Maury prepares us for the truth and calmly says, “Rasheed, you are not the father!” ‘Sheed jumps out of his chair and delights the stunned crowd with the Carlton dance.

Boo This Man: Referee Alberto Undiano Mallenco

Somebody boo this man! It always sucks when poor officiating overshadows a great game. Today’s early World Cup match between Germany and Serbia was totally tainted by referee Alberto Undiano Mallenco and his card-happy calls. The Spanish ref became the focal point of the game. Mallenco reached into his wallet a grand total of 9 times in the match. If bullshit had a face, it would look like Mallenco.

During the match, any type of contact resulted in a yellow card. Sneezing was a bookable offense. It was truly a ridiculous situation, with players not knowing how aggressive they could be with challenges. The calls were inconsistent at best; just laughable all around. The announcers couldn’t believe it. The players couldn’t believe it. I got up to get some breakfast and when I looked back at the TV, Alberto Undiano Mallenco gave me a yellow card, too.

The Germans lost their top striker, Miroslav Klose, after he collected two quick, wack yellows in the first half. Serbia went up immediately after that with an instant goal from Milan Javanovic. Ze Germans attacked early and often during the second half. Lukas Podolski took like a dozen shots on goal and even had a chance to equalize with a PK, but it was not to be.

This was an exciting match that would have been much more entertaining without Alberto Undiano Mallenco putting his mark on the game. The man deserves to be booed.

Early Goal Keeping – The Story of the Cup So Far

With most teams content to sit back and play it safe during their opening match, early goal keeping play has been the deciding factor in many matches. Here are the top five stories to date:

5. General Miscues
Blame it on the wet and cold conditions (it is winter in South Africa) or the new “Jubalani” ball, but most keepers haven’t looked very sure handed. As the case with every new ball, they are designed to travel faster and provide more offense. See the Jubalani in action:

4. Buffon Done?
Widely considered the top goalie in the world, Gianluigi Buffon may miss the remainder of the cup with what is being called a serious back injury. He said after the match that his sciatic nerve flared up and expects to return. Without him, Italy will be crippled in the back, literally. See his best work here (be warned it’s set to Evanescence, so we suggest having someone blow a vuvuzela in your ear, or simply muting it):

3. Paraguay’s Justo Villar’s Whiff
In the 63rd minute and up 1-0 on the favored Italians, Villar makes an inexcusable whiff on the ball, allowing Daniele Di Rossi to equalize. Being the top two teams in the group, Paraguay should not have allowed this win to get away:

2. Green’s Blunder
It’s not on the same level as Bill Buckner, but its pretty damn close. However, it would make a great Southwest Airlines commercial:

1. Tim Howard’s Dominance
The man of the match vs. England had five saves and took Emile Heskey’s boots to his ribs midway through the opening half. Following a painkiller injection at halftime, he stifled the British attack again and again allowing the Americans to secure a much needed point. If the Yanks expect to make it out of group play, they will need him to look good every match. Check out the video of his post-match interview.

Link Snauce

Good gravy, Audrina Patridge is scrumptious! (Heavy)

Get some vuvuzela horn action on your iPhone (CNET)

Yes, there was a Mel Kiper Sr. – 11 Dads of famous juniors (MentalFloss)

This shirt covers every geeky thing from A to Z (SlashFilm)

The top 9 chokes in US Open History (BroBible)

Find out the dirty secrets behind radio’s slow and painful death (TheBachelorGuy)

8 crazy athletic feats that changes sports forever (EgoTV)

Top 20 must see guy movies (MankindUnplugged)

UFC 115 Vancouver, BC – Rich “Ace” Franklin Mans Up, MANjr Style

Four years ago this would have been hyped as the fight of the decade in MMA.  In 2006, Chuck “The Iceman” Liddell had a tight grip on the light heavyweight (LH) division (205 lbs.) after wins against the likes of Randy Couture, Tito Ortiz, and Renato “Babalu” Sobral. Rich “Ace” Franklin had the middleweight (MW) crown (185 lbs) before “The Spider” Anderson Silva began his current annihilation of the division.

Fast forward to 2010 and the newest installment of the Spike TV series “The Ultimate Fighter“ with coaches Chuck Liddell and Tito Ortiz renewing their rivalry in hopes of completing their trilogy of fights. Oritz, looking for his first win against Liddell, was surprisingly the first coach to ever be fired by Dana White after having to pull out of the Liddell fight during the ninth week of taping due to a recurring neck injury that will require surgery and rehabilitation. Chuck took it in typical Chuck fashion. Here’s the video.

In stepped Franklin to coach the final week of the TV series and fight Liddell. The previously iron-chinned Liddell had been brutally KO’d by Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, “Sugar” Rashad Evans and current LH champ Mauricio “Shogun” Rua in his recent 1-4 slide since beating Ortiz in 2006.  Ace, after being taken behind a woodshed and beaten to near death twice by “The Spider,” moved up to the LH division looking for new competition.

Though not the sexy match up that it would have been years ago, it was still tantalizing enough to be the main event of the evening.  Liddell controlled the opening round with precise boxing and great kicks, one of which broke Franklin’s arm just a minute into the fight while he was attempting to block the high blast.  Franklin later recalled during his post fight interview with Joe Rogan that his busted limb was clicking and took him out of his game a little, but there was no chance of him not answering the bell for the second round.

It turned out he never had to worry about it, as Franklin landed a short right counter hook on the chin sending the overextended Liddell down to the canvas and out to the hospital with just five seconds remaining in the opening round. Next up for Ace should be a bump in competition in the crowded LH division with possibilities being Forrest Griffin, Rampage Jackson, Thiago Silva or Antonio Rogerio Nogueria.  As for Liddell, who has lost five of six and looked every bit like a 40-year-old fighter, hopefully retirement.

Check out the post-fight interviews.

Link Lovin’

And what’s a soccer tourney without some hooligans (EgoTV)

7 signs that summer is just around the corner (Guyism)

A look at World Cup Twitter trends (Mashable)

Wow, Lisa Morales is smoking’ hot (MankindUnplugged)

Will Wayne Rooney be able to hold himself back from stomping on people? (FHM)

Nothing like a nice video of a graduation brawl to start the weekend (Asylum)

The Decline of the British Empire

Some stuff to keep in mind for the U.S. vs. England match tomorrow (Source: www.declineofthebritishempire.com – thanks @wabten!)….

Watch 2010 World Cup Online – Live Streaming Options

Some of you have jobs and just can’t afford to wake up at 4am and watch three straight World Cup matches while getting drunk on the couch. That’s understandable. The World Cup comes around every four years, but the tournament only lasts a month. By mid-July, you’ll still need a source of income to pay for things like rent, food and bar tabs. So it’s probably a good idea not to quit your job.

If you’re stuck in the office, and you’re looking for ways to watch the 2010 World Cup online, here are some online streaming options that you should check out:

ESPNsoccernet is streaming the games live on the Net. Just go to the ESPNsoccernet homepage and click ‘Watch’ on the top navigation menu.

ESPN3 is also streaming all the games.

Univision is in Spanish, but good alternative if ESPN3 is blocked at your work.

atdhe.net has a bunch of channels and we hear that you can catch the matches there.

CBC Sports is Canada’s national public broadcaster. They’ll be streaming all month long.

BBC Sports will stream all BBC matches live.

Iraqgoals.net Haven’t tried but heard it works

iTV.com,is a U.K. network. They’ll broadcast any matches that they carry.

Here’s the World Cup Schedule if you haven’t tacked it up in your cube yet.

Link Machine

Marisa Miller with the top 10 reasons to ride a motorcycle (AskMen)

Twitter’s got it’s own fancy World Cup page (Twitter)

Are you ready for singles softball league action this summer? (Asylum)

Some tips on how to make the most of the World Cup with apps, sites, podcasts and more (CrunchGear)

Ever wonder which athletes get the hottest girls? (BleacherReport)

If you don’t have a team in the World Cup, here’s an article that breaks down the likability of every squad (SB Nation)

Waffles McButter outlines the 15 most inappropriate place to ice someone (BroBible)

Yep, Reggie Bush sure screwed over USC (SportsbyBrooks)