Archive for year 2011

For the most part, I think people are inherently good. That’s just my view. I’ve always been a glass half full kinda guy. That’s not to say that there aren’t plenty of bad people out there. You encounter these people all the time, and they question your faith in humanity. To help you identify these rotten apples, we put together a list of the 10 worst people in the world. We’re not talking murderers and hardcore criminals here. Those people obviously have serious issues. We’re talking more about under-the-radar evil; people who do things that deserve an instant punch in the face (and possibly a future trip to hell). Here’s our list of the 10 worst people in the world:

10. Non-Tipping Check Splitters

You know these people. They always want to split the bill, and they give you just slightly less than the cost of their food/drink selections. No tax. No tip. Those things don’t exist in their mind. Non-tipping check splitters just look at the cost of their entrée and round down. Don’t even think about asking them to cover the cost of the drinks as well.

9. Terrible Parking Job Types

If you didn’t get it right the first time, back it the hell up and try again, fool. Whatever rush you’re in, you can afford to spend 30 more seconds adjusting your diagonal parking disaster. This is especially true in areas where parking is sparse. Don’t be a dick. Contain your car in the white lines provided and the world will be a better place.

8. Destroyers of Bathrooms

If you clog a toilet or bomb the hell out of a lavatory, do something about it. Tell someone. Sure, it’ll be an awkward conversation, but awkward actions call for awkward solutions. Locate the plunger. Find a match. Clean up your yak before you cut out. Don’t just cause massive destruction and walk away. Own up to your restroom recklessness and don’t leave horrifying surprises for the next person who walks in there.

7. Subtle Racists

They’re worse than over-the-top racists. Overt racists are comical. They’re like the crazy old uncle that everyone pities and ignores. Subtle racists are much worse. They let that shit slip out real sneaky like. They’ll toss out a “them” or “those people” once in awhile just to remind you of their contempt for diversity.

6. Aggressive Bus Boys

Look, I know you got a job to do and I know that job sucks balls. I get that and I’m sorry. You wanna move at a fast pace and keep the place looking nice, but I paid $15 for that glass of scotch, and I’m going to finish every friggin’ drop in that glass, even the melty ice section. Don’t be taking my drink when it has at least one more sip in it. Same goes to you peppy server. Wait till the glass is empty, then bus all you want.

5. Overzealous CC’ers

You know these people. Why send out an email to one person when you can loop in 75 more people who have nothing to do with the conversation? These folks don’t limit that CC shit to email either. No, they love sending out group Facebook messages to. And God forbid that someone comments on one of those. You’ll have your inbox stuffed full of useless updates on a useless chain that you should’ve never been a part of to begin with.

4. Extreme Atheists

Organized religion sucks. I get it. You don’t like it. Science is fantastic. There are no mysteries. Nothing’s unexplainable. If those are your beliefs, good for you, but keep in mind that fanatical non-belief is just as narrow-minded as blind, sheep-like faith. There gets to be a point where scientific logic breaks down. Just ask any hardcore physicist. You may not like spiritual types, but don’t take a piss on people who believe in the existence of the unknowable.

3. People Who Won’t Let You Change Lanes

I’ve had my blinker on for three and half minutes, you selfish summabitch. Clearly I need to get over. Why not take your foot off the gas for 2-3 seconds so I can sneak in the lane? Some drivers just don’t pay attention. Asian ladies come to mind. They just have no idea that you’re even there, let alone trying to change into their lane. But then there are those people that know damn well what you’re doing and they decide to push the gas pedal just enough to ef with your approach. Like it’s some sort of badge of honor to keep people from driving in front of you. You people know who you are, and you’re bad people, man.

2. The Anti-Sports Fan Who Attends the Big Sporting Event

You likely encountered this person at the Super Bowl party you attended last month. They can’t hide their contempt for all things sporty, particularly the sport you’re watching intently with a bunch of people who care about what’s going on. There are different degrees to these horrible people. There are those who think all sports are just too bro to show interest in. Then there’s the anti-sports fan that feigns interest in the sport your watching by asking annoying questions like, what’s a quarterback and  why do they call it “baseball?” If you don’t like sports, that’s fine. Just don’t ruin it for the people who care.

1. People Who Touch Your Laundry

When you live in an apartment with shared laundry facilities, there are some unwritten laundry laws that you need to follow. You can’t plop a load in the washing machine and then leave for three hours. You can’t leave a thick layer of lint in the dryer filter. Those are just basic courtesies that everyone should follow. But what happens when you’re occupying the dryer and someone tosses out your clean wash and leaves it on the filthy machines. Or those people who give you all of 2 minutes to remove your stuff from the dryer once the cycle is complete. Aggressive laundry grabbers are terrible people. They’ll find any excuse to get all up in your business. If it’s a major etiquette violation, then I get it. Go ahead and move my shit. But if I’m following the basic rules of laundry, keep your hands off my boxers, neighbor.