Archive for year 2011

We got a lot of useless stuff in this country. Maybe it’s because we’re so prosperous and comfortable and so satiated with the necessities of life. Some people might argue that it’s our right as Americans to love useless shit. That’s a bunch of malarkey. At MANjr, we believe there’s an overabundance of worthless stuff out there that needs to go away. Here’s our list of the top 10 useless things in America today.

10. Blockbuster Video Stores

So Blockbuster filed for Chapter 11, got bought in an auction and they’re closing down stores left and right across the country. The company tried to waive late fees, but that didn’t stick. Their inventory sucks and they never have enough copies of the latest new release. Can we put this chain out of its misery already? With torrents, Red Box, OnDemand, Netflix and other online content streaming solutions, there’s really no reason to keep Blockbusters around. They destroyed the local video shop and it’s time these blue and gold dinosaur stores get phased out for good.

9. Segways

You lazy mother, get off that stupid Zamboni stick and walk around like a real person. You wanna ride a bike, that’s fine. You wanna rollerblade, cruise in a motorized wheelchair or ride a Moped? That’s totally acceptable. But don’t stand up on a $7,000 motorized doormat and have the nerve to wear a helmet. If you’re gonna stand, walk. If you gotta sit, make use of a century’s worth of available technology to get yourself from A to B.

8. Best Buy Employees

Have you ever tried to ask a Best Buy employee for assistance on anything? It’s the most depressing shit ever. These blue-shirted zombies would rather text on their phone and power walk across the aisles than provide you with even the smallest nugget of customer support. I don’t know how they train their people, but they’re doing it wrong. I get that quality customer service is a lost art, but it’s amazing how so many employees can be so useless. Why not have one security guard and 20 self-checkout stations and call it a day?

7. Roundabouts

Is there a stop sign shortage out there? Is the circular intersection really necessary? Roundabouts suck because most drivers on the road are already incredibly retarded. Why complicate things for them? People just don’t know what to do when they see these things. It’s just easy for everyone if you remove the planter in the middle of the street and create a proper intersection that inept American drivers can understand.

6. Handerpants

What’s this? Underpants for your hands? Well it’s about damn time. People buy a lot of stupid shit on TV. Shake weights, snuggies, pajama jeans are all pretty retarded, but who the hell has ever cried out for finger underwear? Are gloves that out of touch? As seen on TV products and anything that’s in SkyMall Magazine just isn’t worth it people.

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